Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
