New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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