is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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