Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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