i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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