Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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