So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
