i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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