I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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