we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
