Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize