Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
