dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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