wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
