so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
