yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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