i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night