put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.