Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How many fucks given?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen