I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
