when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects