i just had sex bonerless
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.