Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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