It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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