you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
