I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
