This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
