I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
