Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
