The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
