no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
