yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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