My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
