I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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