that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
