I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
