scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
