i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I skipped work to stalk him.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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