bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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