i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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