I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
