so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
