Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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