you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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