Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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