Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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