sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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