Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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