He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
