My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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