DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
