can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
