I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
