Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
