I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
