This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
