Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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