Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
