phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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