She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
