I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
