yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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