what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
