I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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