everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
