i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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