Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
