this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
