Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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