I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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