nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
