put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
