Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
