dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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