i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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