you traded sex for a burrito?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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