Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
