Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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