Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
