Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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