Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
