I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
