You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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