You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
