is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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