Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
