do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Drunk is not a location!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
